What We Can Learn About Love From French Women

There is a difference between French and American women when it comes to dating and relationships. Compared to American women, French women revel in the enjoyment and acceptance of what is rather than focusing on what is not or striving for perfection. French women celebrate their individuality and femininity without worrying about others’ opinions. They do what makes them feel good whether it follows social conventions or not. They also accept the men in their lives for who they are and don’t want to change them.

Debra Ollivier compares and contrasts the differences between American and French women in her book, What French Women Know: the About Love, Sex, and Other Matters of the Heart and Mind. Many of these differences stem from one fundamental distinction that in France there are no “rules” about love and sex or how to dress, look or act. In America, women must follow a complicated rule book which dictates the right and wrong way to manage everything about a relationship with a man from the first meeting to dating, marriage and divorce through repeating the process. French women have a “take it or leave it” attitude. They believe, and act as if, life is short and time’s a-wastin’. This gives them a sense of immediacy that translates into a live-for-today outlook that American women could benefit from.

French women celebrate instead of shy away from individuality. They make their own rules, don’t mind imperfections and embrace their femininity. Although the generalizations abound, there is at least a grain of truth in every one.

Ollivier explores many cultural differences and some of these may be beneficial for American women to adopt. According to the author, the culture in France affords French women a strong sense of self and a mysterious confidence that is so appealing to American women because it is so different from what we are used to. Similarly, French women are comfortable with uncertainty as opposed to American women, who have been raised with, and thus prefer, structure and rules.

Another difference is that French people are more discreet. Their culture is less communicative, especially on a personal level. Personal information is kept private. What comes off as charming and alluring in a French woman may be interpreted as arrogant and bitchy in an American woman. Unless you are dealing with a French man, you may be completely misread.

Unlike in America, it’s OK in France to be unhappy. In the U.S., there is so much pressure to be happy that it can make us miserable. American women equate happiness with perfection. When we’re not trying to change ourselves, we’re working on changing our mates. French women know relationships are not checking accounts. Love and sex cannot be forced into perfect 50/50 shares. These women also know that cohabiting requires cooperation, consideration and compatibility.

The French live by the aphorism, “carpe diem.” They are truly living their lives with a sharp consciousness of the pleasures and problems life can entail and the knowledge of how short life can be. Indeed, this may be the most important message we take away from this book. The French philosophy, in contrast to the American woman’s eternal quest for perfection, is more a savor the moment, devil-may-care way of life.

If there is one thing that we, as American women, can take away from this book it is that we should try to learn to accept and like ourselves for who we are and not care about what others think of us. Rather than compete with men, we’d be better served to develop a true affection for them. By calling a truce in the battle of the sexes, everyone can win.

Live The Life You Want By Learning To Love Yourself

Our traditional beliefs tell us that only outside of Heaven is learning essential, so that we may one day get there.

Based on the past and present projections of others, learning to love yourself perpetrated as lessons about ourselves, we form a belief system based on presumptions instead of true knowledge. Can you see the world as presumptuous much of the time, where it thinks it is knowledgeable?

A Course in Miracles states, “The body is outside you, and but seems to surround you, shutting you off from others and keeping you apart from them, and them from you.”

Learning to love yourself more today than yesterday certainly will open your mind to wonderful things. To know yourself in this way is how you live the life you want To be yourself and realizing your inner gifts makes you feel on top of the world.

Live the life you want

Consider learning to love yourself and our state of mind outside of Heaven, which is where our projections of this world are made. We see these man-made laws prevailing inside our idea of Heaven, based on what the “separate wholes” of the ego mind project as their beliefs.

These disparate beliefs are argumentative and fragmented, unable to portray an accurate picture of this realm of paradise.

You may believe you must try to know yourself, or just be yourself, and begin learning to love yourself or find what it is you truly are, rather than merely being it.

This is the universal law that opens doors for you, perhaps the career you want and the financial stability. Your relationships become exciting and positive, and the not-so-good ones seem to fade away.

Exciting and positive

There is nothing that can oppose total oneness, when oneness is the natural Law of the Kingdom of Heaven. God not only created It, but He also creates by It.

A Course in Miracles further states, “You can stretch out you hand and reach to Heaven. You whose hand is joined with your brother’s have begun to reach beyond the body, but not outside yourself, to reach your shared Identity together.”

This form of universal law, which constitutes oneness, does not need to be adapted to fit circumstances such as learning to love yourself, because oneness is only certain and has no circumstances to contend with.

This is real universal law.

There are no beliefs inside of Heaven, where certainty is all that exists.

To extend is to create, and when we create we communicate by being who we truly are, and to be yourself involves operating within the wholeness of which we are.

In the certainty of true wholeness, God and His entire Family know that you extend what you are.

Learning to Love to Save Your Marriage

How do you know you married the right individual? Let’s look at this a little closer to examine in more detail. All couples find it takes work to save a marriage.

Remember when…

To answer this question, think back to when you first met your spouse and yes fell in love with them. That is a pleasant thought, is not it. Even now it brings a smile across your face. You remember how you waited by the phone awaiting their call, desired their touch on your shoulder, hand or face. You even had a great appreciation for their little quirks.

It was so easy to fall in love with your spouse back then. If you are truly honest, it just sort of happened. They walked through the door and wham. Instead of just walking into the room they stepped right into your heart. That is what you call “falling in love” and it happened to you. It was probably the easiest thing you ever did. Falling in love is a passive experience that happens spontaneously.

The honeymoon can last for quite awhile but at some point the captured bliss of love and marriage may fade. Do not worry this is not unexpected to some degree. The calls you used to wait by the phone for might become a bother even when they do come. The touch you used to long for might be pushed away at times when it occurs. Those little quirks become irritating rather than appreciated.

At some point if this stage is allowed to progress frustration, bitterness, and anger begins to set up residence in what was such a beautiful relationship in the beginning.

At some point both or either partner may ask the question, “Am I married to the right individual?” When this question is asked if either partner begins to think of what marriage with someone else would have been. That is the moment trouble walks in the door of your marriage. Anytime either party looks outside of the marriage in thoughts or deed for what they believe is missing in their marriage that is when the marriage begins to fail. The individual may not become involved in affair with another person but something else may take the place of their spouse. It could be friends, a hobby, work, or even substances of abuse such as alcohol.

Both partners need to understand the answers to their marital problems will not be found outside of the marriage. The key to a happy marriage is learning to love your partner. You were attracted to each other as you fell in love but to sustain that love you really have to go the next step and learn to love.

Learning to love takes effort and work which is very different than falling in love. I have heard it said about a couple going through a tough time, “Oh, they just need to fall in love again”. I beg to pardon they just need to learn to love. You learn to ride a bike and once you have you do not forget. Learn to love and you will not forget.